It's Monday! That means, I'm back at it! As if I maintain a stable mon-fri schedule as it is lmao.
Anyways my mood has been, shakey. Better than whatever was going on last week but still I'm having trouble finding solid ground. I'm figuring it out, you know? It's not easy.
But life continues on! So I'm back on that grind! Yahoo!! I'm remaking what work I've had done on one of my comms rn. This one is a doozy. They wanted the face embroidered so I've redone my embroidery for this face style, but that often leads to a tiny bit of stickyness on the back grabbing the fluff from the minky and sticking it to the back of the face. The fabric is light and sheer enough that you can see those specs, and I failed to notice a couple bits when I finalized the stuffing last time.
Second of all, I wanted to mix the sublimated blush on the cheeks with the embroidered face as I've fallen in love with the blush! But I spent all day on the embroidery so by the time of night I got to the final state, I didn't realize the change in sublimation printer(I upgraded the week before) changed my usual blush from a nice complimentary, orangey? shade? to a pink. And it doesn't look good. And I'm trying to impress on them the benefits of sublimation so there's no way I'm sticking with it!!!
But redoing him is sooo much work. I have to custom dye the hair fabric, and for some reason it doesn't look identical as my previous bit, but at this point it's literally like a 1% difference and this only matters to me so I'm biting myself and making myself continue on! It's fine! It's fine! I offered this hell, I could of just used black minky instead of frankensteining a dark green but alas here I am! I suffer for my art!!!
On the topic of art, I'm gonna talk a bit sourly here but that's because this really hurt me but that wasn't there intention and I know that but I want! To! Bitch!
I did my first sublimated face last year and did a remake of my G'raha lil guy.
He turned out amazing, cute, I had improved so much even though so much of the outfit and such was a reused pattern! The face was so soft, so perfect, I needed that W. I had been in a state of paralysis on making lil guys after I felt I really fumbled the dress on a comm much earlier that year. To come back, try something new, and be rewarded with what I made sent me over the moon.
And then I quickly got a message on twitter from a previous commissioner. And I quickly got a message on discord from someone I gifted plush once and wanted to comm me once I was open very insistently.
And they both told me that when they comm me again they want those faces embroidered. They said it kindly, but let me tell you, when you make art for yourself, when you try something new, and you immediately get messages that are essentially "when I pay you for work we haven't even agreed upon you fucking not do that thing you just did with your personal art."
Like, I made them plush..... 2 years ago. I've improved, I've changed. I've grown as a person(lie) and grown as an artist(true). Both these people are artists, and if I demanded they make me art in the way they drew skillwise 2 years ago, I'd expect to be fucking laughed at.
But I'm not an artist peer, right? I make dolls! You insert money and personalized merchandise comes out! I'm not a person who gets to figure out the best way to make what I do and change my aesthetics! I'm an indie manufacturer you get to make demands of. I can't even draw the way I drew a month ago, a year ago, 10 years ago, and you want me to stagnate, to keep making things the way I did when I was less experienced, working with a pattern I made but had a poor grasp of? No. Go away. I want to sublimate faces and details. I want to fill them with widdle skeletons even though they really shouldn't be played with. I want to make what I want and if what I'm currently offering isn't to your taste then go somewhere else!!
I'm over it now. But man that night I should of been happy but instead I spent it just upset and crying because the one glimmer of hope I made for myself was shattered before me. I'm glad everyone else seems to like the sublimated faces though, because fuck you I'm sticking to them for my lil guys!! (aaaa I still gotta make an entire design and embroidery file for the big comm I have aaaaaa)
Ok blogging break over back 2 it.