I was thinking today of how man, I just never learned to communicate properly.
Like, ok, I used to be pretty good at being the funny man of the group in high school, and working retail I managed to keep up the facade of small talk and being able to shoot the shit. I've always been a pretty good salesman afterall! Did I lose those because of the burnout, because of my ex talking behind my back while we were dating to turn my friends against me and socially ostracize me? Or was it the subsequent self employed bankrupt bitch burnout followed by too many years of sorta functional but still socially isolated self employment? Or is it all that combined with my ex coming back into my life and using me as her daily depression diary after I finally got back on my feet where I just lost the ability to fucking care? To bother to carry on a conversation? Who knows!!
But my inability to express myself, to explain myself, to tell someone why I like something, is distressing! I've wrapped myself up in a coccoon and even if I could explain why I like something, it's trapped tightly in there with me, unable to get out!
Why do I like a lot of things? Because of the art, or the writing, usually a combination of both. The setting, the flow, the feel, the good expressions, the humour utilized. I can show off the art, but it doesn't particularly push the /game/ part of the game right? I can just link you the ost and you can enjoy that in isolation, even if without experiencing it in game you'll never hit those same emotions, be transported to those same scenes when you listen to it.
How much of the story can I talk about? I generally play a lot of games that aren't story heavy, so when a rare story event happens 30 hours in that rocks my world and cements it as one of my favorite games of all time, I can't tell you about it because the shock of it is what was so amazing!! There's rules, you can't spoil people, and if you do, it's forever ruined for them, right? That's how it looks to me. I've been a secondary to so much media because of just watching other people talk about things that it doesn't phase me, but most people take it as a life shattering fucking event even though there's that study that's like, people spoiled on something generally enjoyed it more than the ones that went in blind.
Like, I can see that! Some things shouldn't be spoiled, but sometimes the spoil let's you approach the media with a view of enlightenment where you're piecing together scenes as you experience them and trying to tie them into the reveal later. It's fun, I'd recommend it! Maybe not something like Umineko, but I'd also love to talk to someone who had a big umineko thing spoiled and still read the series lmao. I bet they had their own amazing experience going through it.
This probably all ties into "Where do I start with this series? (this series being say 13 unconnected games)" Well sir you should start with the entry I started with! Obviously the best way to experience it is how I experienced it!
One of the things that brought me to purge these thoughts here is because the other month I was talking to some people on discord, and voiced my opinion that if you liked the GB SaGa games, to skip Romancing SaGa (the SNES series after) and go straight to SaGa Frontier. Mind you I'm not saying "never play RS", afterall RS2 is one of my favorite games of all time, but themeatically if you're looking for more SaGa you're not looking for RS!
SaGa is a series on GB where you can make a party of humans, monsters, espers and robots. It's a sci-fi fantasy mix where your group is ascending a tower and visiting different floors along that way that may as well be different worlds.
Romancing SaGa is a series on SNES that's pure fantasy, swords and shields and magic each in it's own fleshed out fantasy world where you travel the continent.
SaGa Frontier is a game on PS1 where you can make a party of humans, monsters, mystics and robots. It's a sci-fi fantasy mix where your group is travelling by space(?)ship to various regions that can go from fantasy gothic fairy vampire forever night to you catching a ride to literally Manhatten.
Yeah, sure, RS added most of the gameplay mechanics that carried forward into SF1, so? I'm sick of being excluded from even trying to participate in spaces because I don't hyper focus on the nitty gritty gameplay. I don't know the best way to build Annie, I don't remember what skills you need to learn DSC and what characters invisible spark chart let's them learn it. It feels like a solved equation anyways, so why would I bother memorizing a gamefaqs datamined mechanics guide just so I can talk to you on equal footing with words that were fed to us by a spreadsheet? It fucking feels good to play and it's a god damn artistic masterpiece, that's why you should play it. Play it for a week over spring break where you're staying over at your godmother's trailerpark and maybe you'll develop some fucking emotions.
But it's not like I can communicate any of that. Why bother. I quit.
Another rule of engagement I feel I boxed myself out of because of the rules was roleplaying online as a kid. I got my start making OCs because I joined some like, FF8 roleplay on gaiaonline when I was 12ish. I got tangled up and was too passive because of rules around God moding and being frightened of stepping on toes. People would spit out paragraphs on their turn and their partner would in turn, but the idea of I dunno, saying the wind blew my rp partner's hair feels so out of line I just took my toys and retreated into my personal mind palace and played by myself.
Interacting with people hard!! Napping for 2-3 hours after school because I drifted off to sleep thinking about fantasy scenarios in my head easy!!!!
There's more social rules and stuff I wanna bitch about but I forget it rn, whatever, if I'm not austistic I don't know what the fuck I am dude.
It's nice to just have, a space to spew this stuff. Stream of conscious style. I dunno. I'm a quiet person and that's starting to do lp damage.
